I can speak some German, and a little bit of Indonesian, if that helps.
I know a really good joke a maths teacher once told me that involved a war and a knight and a squire and a hypotenuse and it was not funny and only further proved that all Maths teachers, are, well, Maths teachers.
But that wasn't what I was commenting for.
Helpful Christmas Hint From Steph #1: Do not leave the carving knife out on the table at Christmas Dinner. Note: This only applies if you are a member of my family and have experienced a Steph & Co. Christmas lunch, complete with several knife-related incidents in which case your grandfather (theone with all the tattoos, not the German) may or may not end up down at the local lock-up.
Helpful Christmas Hint from Steph #2: Whilst Grandma (the one who has flabby arms, not the one who always burns the food) is going heavy on the red wine, ask for your Christmas allowance. It doesn't matter if you never get a Christmas allowance - Christmas is prime cash up time. If you play your cards right you may even be put into the will of elderly relatives.
(Don't think I really do this. I get put in their wills for my good nature and kindness *cough* liar, takes advantage of the elderly *cough*).
Helpful Christmas Hint #3
If you are worrying about gaining weight over Christmas, I suggest implementing treadmills in the places of chairs around the table (Note: may make dinner conversation awkward and cause your great aunt to go into coronary arrest).