Helpful Christmas Hints Competition
As Christmas can be a very busy and stressful time for many people I've decided, just out of the goodness of my heart, to include some helpful hints to get you through the Festive Season.
Helpful Christmas Hint number #1: Are you panicking because there are only six more sleeps till Christmas? Well worry no more - the solution is in your hands! Try taking a nap every afternoon from now until the big day. Hey presto! Now there's twelve more sleeps to go and plenty of time for all those pesky last minute chores. (On the other hand, if the 25th can't come fast enough for you, then stay awake from now till Christmas Eve. Wooohooo! Only one more sleep to go!)
Now I had planned to make my Helpful Christmas Hints a regular feature over the next week but I seem to have run out of hints at number 1. Yes, the dreaded Writer's Block has got me. I often get asked what I do when I get Writer's Block. Well, I usually take one of the following courses of action.
Course of Action 1: I try to get away from the computer and give my self time to relax and free up my mind a bit. I often come up with my best ideas when I go for a long walk (highly recommended) or when I'm lying in bed at night before I go to sleep or while mowing the lawn, cleaning the house etc(although it's a little hard to be creative if you're scrubbing out a toilet bowl).
Course of Action 2 : I look glumly at the screen and say, "Well that's the end of that then. What a waste of time. Who was I kidding? I can't do this anymore. I'm no writer. I was just being a fool to myself and a burden to society. Nobody loves me 'cause I really suck!"
Generally I would recommend Course of Action 1.
Anyway I'm stuck, so I need to tap the vast creative juices of all the Insideadoggers out there. Please, send me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to ... wait on, that's something else, don't do that, we've got no room here ... instead send me your very own Helpful Christmas Hints suggestions. Just start off with a question - eg Is your old plastic tree looking tired? Are you sick of elderly relatives pinching your cheeks at Christmas? Don't know what to buy the person who has everything? - then just come up with your helpful solution.
But here's the amazingly thrilling part. The best entry as judged by an esteemed panel of Bauers will win a PRIZE! (family members & close friends may submit entries but sadly they will have no chance of being selected - not because of any perceptions of bias, but because I know how hopeless you all are). Also when the winner is announced no correspondence will be entered into - except of course if you write and disagree with our choice and we are forced to write back and say, 'Oh yeah, well you don't know anything anyway, 'cause you smell!'
So get writing! Just think, if you're the only entry you will have a 100% chance of winning! Or if only 2 people enter then your chances are ... um ... let's see ... 100 goes into 2 ... no that can't be right ... do you carry the remainder? ... no wait! What's that rule about the square on the hypotenuse? ... anyway, look, you figure it out ok.
Surprisingly the prize will be a SIGNED copy of one of MY BOOKS!!!!!!!
(Not signed by me of course. That would be just too special. Instead it will be signed by old Mrs Brimblecomble from next door who has such beautiful handwriting - although sadly her spelling is atrocious and she tends to swear. Oh and it might have to be a foreign language edition because I've got spare ones of those, so that way it wouldn't cost me anything and besides I can't read them anyway. So as long as you are fluent in Dutch, Italian, German or Korean, you'll be sweet. Oh yeah and I just remembered, some editions are slightly water damaged because they were delivered during a thunder storm but you can still read them ... especially if you know Italian ... and you're willing to skip all the pages that are stuck together.)
Excited? Well Entries close Christmas Eve at 5pm. Winner announced Christmas Day.
Finally on another matter, remember how I revealed in the first post that I was sometimes called Mickey-drippin' as a boy? Well now Em has said that her friend gets Micklepops and Kate says her dad has been burdened with Underdaks-Mickey! I just can't say that last one without laughing. Anyway it got me thinking, is it just the name 'Michael' that gets these bizarre and embarrassing mutations? Surely not. Have your parents, family or friends ever turned your name into something truly cringe-worthy in the deluded belief that it is cute or endearing? Have you done it to someone else's name. Time to hit the comment button, let go of your shame and fess up! Come on, you know you want to ...